The days of hanging out in a friend’s back yard after school or cruising around the neighborhood on bikes are being replaced by 8-yr olds running in 80-degree heat to cut weight for Pop Warner kiddie football weigh-ins (true story) and middle school children being dropped off for early morning swim practice with a mug of coffee (also true).

From athletics to academics to music, there seems to be more pressure than ever for children to become overachieving whiz kids who will get into all the right schools and have successful high-income careers.

And to hear parents, teachers, and administrators tell it, the stress is evident, even if the kids can’t quite articulate what they are experiencing.

There are good questions being raised about whether this pressure is helping or hurting our students’ likelihood of success in the long run as creativity is a necessarily messy process, that will only flourish to the degree that mistakes and “failure” are accepted as temporary points of reflection along the way.

But regardless of whether this pressure has a net positive or negative effect on our kids, the issues are amplified when our students don’t have the tools to handle this kind of stress effectively.

But how do we bring up such a topic with young children? And what are we supposed to say, anyway?

“It’s ok, you don’t have to get on stage if you don’t want?”

“Suck it up and get your butt out there?”

We could certainly shy away from talking about it. But then that sends the message that they shouldn’t feel what they feel, that being nervous is bad, that there’s something wrong with them if they feel anxious, that they’re abnormal, that performance stress is a taboo subject, or something to fear.

So how can we talk about performance pressure, nerves, and stage fright in the most open, natural, and helpful way?

My Little Pony

My kids were watching episodes of My Little Pony on Netflix the other day, and while I resisted watching at first, I quickly became a fan of the show. So much so, that I actually spent some time tracking down the creator of the show to see if there was any way I could contribute.

Huh? Why?!

Many of the show’s themes revolve around psychology and performance. From developing a stronger sense of self, to trusting one’s own artistic values, to dealing with stage fright, the show does a great job of creating stories around key psychological principles in a way that resonates with youngsters, avoids stigmatizing these experiences, and most importantly, paves the way for an open dialogue about how best to respond in these kinds of situations.

After all, it’s a lot easier to talk about a situation you see in a TV show, and then gently shift the focus to the child’s life than to dive into a student’s situation right off the bat with a barrage of questions. Remember how helpful Aesop’s fables were in learning lessons about life, as opposed to having these lessons delivered via lecture? Same idea.

My Little Pony on stage fright

My favorite episode deals with the issue of stage fright, peak performance, and overconfidence. I’ve watched the episode more times than I’d care to admit, and there are at least 3 or 4 key scenes that would be great conversation starters.

When you watch this episode, keep a pen and paper handy. What key performance psychology principles do you notice? And how might you start a conversation about these points with a student?

Activity: Share your observations below in the comments. I’ll share a few of my own down below – but no peeking until you’ve watched the episode!

Sonic Rainboom

My observations

Click here to reveal my notes
(1) Rainbow Dash is focused on outcomes like winning the competition, getting the prize, impressing others, proving naysayers wrong, maintaining a reputation, etc. The alternative? Focus on the process.

(2) During the competition she is focused on mistakes, and tries to hard to redeem herself by doing something more impressive after each failure. The alternative? Stay in the moment, have a recovery strategy, and don’t self-evaluate until afterwards.

(3) Rarity demonstrates that overconfidence and vanity are not the answer either.

Main takeaway

For me, the moral of the story is that when we try to impress our peers and judges, please our parents and teachers, play everything in tune, hit the high notes, and play “perfectly,” we experience more pressure and fall short of our target.

Conversely, when we focus on the big picture of making/creating music and the larger purpose of that endeavor (making someone feel something, experience beauty, speak to them in a way that words may not, and so on) we often play better in tune, hit the high notes more effortlessly, experience less pressure, and enjoy ourselves more.

As Rainbow Dash learned, the paradox of peak performance is that we often get all the things we want when we approach them obliquely. When we keep our focus on something bigger than ourselves, or something that matters more than hitting notes and feeding our ego, the acclaim, the prizes, and financial rewards often follow.

photo credit: Lotus Carroll via photopin cc

About Noa Kageyama, Ph.D.

Performance psychologist and Juilliard alumnus & faculty member Noa Kageyama teaches musicians how to beat performance anxiety and play their best under pressure through live classes, coachings, and an online home-study course. Based in NYC, he is married to a terrific pianist, has two hilarious kids, and is a wee bit obsessed with technology and all things Apple.

After Countless Hours of Practice, Why Are Performances Still so Hit or Miss?

It’s not a talent issue. And that rush of adrenaline and emotional roller coaster you experience before performances is totally normal too.

Performing at the upper ranges of your ability under pressure is a unique skill – one that requires specific mental skills and a few tweaks in your approach to practicing. Elite athletes have been learning these techniques for decades; if nerves and self-doubt have been recurring obstacles in your performances, I’d like to help you do the same.

Click below to discover the 7 skills that are characteristic of top performers. Learn how you can develop these into strengths of your own. And begin to see tangible improvements in your playing that transfer to the stage.

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